May 21st, 2011

I have a deal for any of the believers who plan to be raptured on May 21st 2011 - this is a "no lose" proposition for you!

I will give you $100 in return for a promissory note for $10,000 - payable on May 22nd 2011. I will pick up the cost of having it notarized: you don't have to spend a cent and you will get $100 cash. Period.

When you get raptured on May 21st 2011 that will be the end of it as far as you're concerned and I will be out $100. Think of it as partial punishment for my disbelief. You get $100 now and I am left with nothing when you get raptured. Pretty sweet, huh?

But - if, for any reason, you are still here on Planet Earth on May 22nd 2011 the full amount of $10,000 is payable to me. In cash.

Really, how can you lose? You KNOW you will be raptured and I'll be left (with all the other unsaved people) awaiting the final end five months later. And, in addition to annihilation, I will be out $100.

Use the $100 to print up more bumper stickers: sweet, ironic justice for my disbelief - and YOU can make it happen!

Contact me at once and I will arrange matters with my lawyer and notary. But don't delay - for reasons entirely outside of my control, this is a time-limited offer.

You Decide...

Trish thought it was a groaner, at best.

Maybe it's just pride of authorship, but when I came up with it this evening I thought it was hilarious. Well... as hilarious as a pun ever is. Anyway, here's the line:

When I was a child, my parents chose to deliberately expose me to the measles virus. I think it was a rash decision.

Okay.

Now that I see it actually typed out I realize: a stronger man would have resisted.

Hollywood Re-visited

I use a program called Choicemail to prevent spam. It's an effective method: what happens is that I have a whitelist of email addresses and URLs from which I will accept email. If someone not on the whitelist sends me an email, the program sends them a registration form to complete. If it is a real person and they choose to complete the form, it is sent to me and I can decide to add them to my whitelist or reject their registration. I have the option of including an explanation for my decision.

Choicemail works very well and I have used it for a couple of years now.

Long time followers of this blog (and there are a few of you) may recall that back in March 2008 I posted this entry - Hollywood - A Cautionary Tale about my consultation with an intellectual-property lawyer in Los Angeles after a game show idea that I posted on tvwritersvault was developed without any consultation (or compensation) to me. The lawyer advised me to forget about it and I decided to take his advice.

Perhaps not surprisingly, tvwritersvault is not on my Choicemail whitelist - after my experience I certainly don't intend to use them again.

This past Wednesday evening I received a Choicemail registration request from Scott Manville - the guy who owns/runs tvwritersvault - wanting access to my email, presumably so that he could convince me to recommence using their services. This set off a short corresdondence that I am posting below. All I have done is re-arrange the emails into proper chronological order and removed any URL addresses (to limit further spam); I have not edited any of the messages.
___________________________
___________________________

From: Bill Clarke
Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To: webmaster@*******.com
Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2011 20:40:32

Your request to communicate with the recipient has been rejected.

Reason:

Thanks but after one of my ideas (put on your site) was developed by
Hollywood without so much as a "by your leave" I figured you really
weren't the best place to share. I actually consulted a lawyer but
he said you didn't have a pot to piss in so...

Future emails to this recipient will be automatically deleted.

If you wish to contact this person, please contact him/her by other
means.
___________________________
From: Scott Manville
Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To:billclarke@*******.com
Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2011 20:42:34

Bill-
Your claim is unfounded.
For your information, my Pot runeth over ;)
Ten years in the industry witha groundbreaking company will fill the
coffers just fine.

Best,
Scott
___________________________
From: Bill Clarke
Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To: smanville@*******.com
Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2011 20:54:14

Runeth, huh?

Freudian slip, mayhaps?
___________________________
From: Scott Manville
Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To: billclarke@*******.com
Date: Wed, 16 March 2011 9:23 PM

Yes, Runeth over, as in abundance, prosperity.... aka fucking rich.
____________________________
From: Bill Clarke

Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To: smanville@*******.com
Date: Wed, 16 March 2011 9:36 PM

Terrific Scott.

Invest $10 of your wealth in a dictionary.
___________________________
From: Scott Manville
Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To: Bill Clarke
Date: Wed, 16 March 2011 9:49 PM

Used with two N's or one. I chose one, as some publishers have. By
the way, you must be over 60 because nobody has to buy a dictionary
any more. Its free on that thing you're typing with one finger.

Tell your attorney he should stick to traffic ticket disputes :)
___________________________
From: Bill Clarke
Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To: smanville@*******.com
Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2011 10:15 PM

Nah, it's two Ns. You know it is.

And speaking of one finger...
___________________________
From: Scott Manville
Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To: Bill Clarke
Date: Wed, 16 March 2011 10:40 PM


Good luck in your small world.

One "N" is used often. You're just not exposed to literature or
publishing as I am.

OH, by the way.... you had three executives requesting to contact you
for your project, but your spam filter knocked out the requests.

Ooops.
___________________________
From: Bill Clarke
Subject: Not authorized to send email to billclarke@*******.com
To: smanville@*******.com
Date: Wed, 16 March 2011 10:48 PM

Oh, that must be it – thanks for clearing that up.

Well, as fascinating as this has all been, at my advanced age it
really is tiring to do all this one-finger typing so I’ll wish you
a pleasant good night. The nurse will be bringing my warm milk any
minute now and then it’s lights out at the Senior’s Home so, thanks
for the chat.
___________________________
___________________________

Juvenile? Not to be believed. Now, I readily admit to being just as juvenile as Scott Manville by goading him on like that but... Hey! I am the customer HE's the service provider, it's his professional image that's subject to scrutiny here, not mine.

Okay, now here's a short customer service quiz for you - one multiple choice question, three possible answers and I'll even provide a clue, okay?

Question:
You hear from a former customer that he has grounds to believe that he has been ripped off through the auspices of your service. Do you...

A) Assure the former customer that you will get to the bottom of it and report back to him, then obtain all pertinent details and look into the matter thoroughly to ensure that your valued customers are not being ripped off.
B) Dismiss the former customer's concerns without a second thought since you are no longer making any money off him anyway.
C) Use the opportunity to brag about how much money you're making.

(CLUE - the answer isn't B or C)